You know how my professors all know my boss? Cause in this industry everybody knows everybody. And those teaching fashion are a select few and because of the scarcity they teach in all the fashion schools available.
Yesterday my prof snapped a photo of me, in my very minimalist kind of sad ensemble consisting of a grey origami skirt, a black knit long sleeves rolled up to my elbows and tucked in neatly, pearl with gold details earrings, gold watch, gold stud necklace, and black booties and tote that came as a set, and he texted during my presentation. And I assumed he was texting my boss. Who coincidentally texted me in class.
I texted her back telling her I won't be able to meet her that day and I'll just do whatever needed done tomorrow (which is today.) and Lev called me out. Good thing i was slightly paying attention and was able to salve what little was left of my dignity after being called out.
So there really isn't anything going on. Or at least my boss hasn't confronted me. I am prepared too. If you go through my neat table (with the mess is hidden inside the drawers) you'll find in a little envelope my resignation letter. I have no reason to stay in this company anymore. I think I've learned everything I can. Got the contacts and networked to all the people I needed. And those I'll need in the future I can also make through other opportunities.
Honestly I think my silence has improved the attitude of all my other co-workers towards me. But the feelings that have been stirred up mostly leading towards the dark dark sadness and loneliness do not just go away. And although my bosses are amazingly kind and easy to get along with in the end its the environment and the people you spend less than eight hours a day with that makes or breaks the way you see yourself in the company. And most of my co-workers, I've nothing against them, have future plans that doesn't involve the company. Of my whole stay its always been "my friend who works for my old company gets benefits, wonder when we will." Honestly? People who get paid a lot either are skilled a lot or work a lot and in this co-worker's case she is neither skilled nor hard working enough to get what all her other friends get.
I get it, friends compare company backgrounds, and employment benefits and salary packages. I do that too all the time. But everybody knows although all my childhood buddies make 3 or 4 times more than I do they don't get the same work hours that I get. They have no peace of mind on weekends. They dread Mondays. They get little to no sleep each night. They're in the office sun up to sun down. And I don't. I go to work when I feel like it. I leave whenever I want. I have the longest lunches any working girl ever has. So I don't know why my co-workers would compare what they make to what their friends make. On a side note, why stay if you feel like you can do better?
No I'm starting to sound bitter. Let's go back to talking about me. You know how I'm in between rich and broke at the moment? Quitting my job would mean being broke. Now this is what an emergency fund is for. For when I go broke. My mum taking me to work every morning helps me save. So far I haven't shopped. I need to prepare for my resignation. Unlike that time when I graduated and I had a tiny bit of surplus when it comes to cash because of my thesis equivalent which is business implementation. I don't have that surplus anymore, because commute is not cheap and neither are lunches, or tuition.
All my future expenses that comes after my resignation is making me even more sad. This is the last month of my contract. I'm not going to extend it. Even if they all quit. You have to know when to stop a non profitable business. And I'm worth more than I'm getting in this place. Originally since I don't know anything being paid little was okay. But as a person who knows a little now and who is taking additional classes for self development I would say my worth went up a little.
Its a Friday and I'd like to end on a positive note. Never settle for something less than you deserve. If you know it in your heart that you're worth more than that bargain for it, insist a little. And if they turn you down move on to the next. Never stop believing in yourself. If you don't who would?
Xo,
Paula
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