I've been a lot mellow lately, like a blue sadness ghost is attached to my back. Slowly breathing depression into me. But the thing about those suicidal depressed people is that it's not as easy as Peter Pan's "think happy thoughts" and it's not all in my head. Okay, maybe it is all in my head. Ask my therapist maybe she can help you out.
But for people to tell depressed/extremely sad people that they shouldn't be and it's in their daily choices if they want to be happy. Bitch! (Excuse my French) let me tell you this. Telling me it's a choice, is like telling a junkie its a choice. (That's a really bad example) it sometimes can't be helped. Sometimes you're just really sad. And you have to be in that moment to feel better.
I've tried the "today I'm going to be happy" and sometimes it just isn't the way. Maybe eat my feelings. "I'll forget about it after this tub of salted caramel." I've previously talked about eating my feelings out in an older post. You know how they keep saying "acceptance is the first step to recovery"? That's actually very true for me (and I'm guessing most people.)
Faking happiness is not healthy. Eventually you'll just get tired and things that you do to make you happy won't work anymore. (Like eating ice cream when it's cold and being a burrito in the dark.)
To anybody who is there, in that dark space with a blue plushie called sadness hanging around your back, hang in there. There are others like you and me. And it will get better. Be strong. Be courageous. You are beautiful and you can survive this.
Xo,
Paula
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